HAND-LEFT-HAND CHRISTMAS – By Waltie Ainsworth

HAND-LEFT-HAND CHRISTMAS

By  Ewalt “Waltie” Ainsworth                12 15 2011

Left hand should never know what right hand is handing out especially at Christmas when the demands are greatest on families, with jobs fleeting and money tight.  The global attitude must be gratitude but GT peeps, want to have it their way, all, all the time .  Some comrades have grown cruel so that they can be kind to the folks back home and at the same time, keep their own ship from sinking.

The mantra of sleeping less, eating less and talking less sounds good on a tweet or Facebook but when the  Christmas season rolls around, beggars become choosers. The ‘begee,’ has to become creative and work to death so that friends and family can stay alive.   All this time, everything that can possibly go wrong, goes wrong.  Douglar Evelyn, from Far-Rockaway, a New York ethnic enclave, has withdrawn from society and may need some divine intervention to help right side her dilemma.   

In the first place, Douglar Evelyn is left-handed and somebody tell her that left handed people stand a better chance in life than right handed people.  Her favorite song is  BIG  TRUCK and favorite Psalm 23 , is always on her lips   Whoever it was advising her, cited  President Barack Obama, Bill Clinton,  Fidel Castro, Gary Sobers, Oscar Dela Hoya, M&M, FIFTY-CENT,  and James Baldwin as accomplished citizens. Immediate Past President, Bharrat Jagdeo was mentioned as an afterthought, left handed in name and nature. And Douglar Evelyn believed.

And as a qualified Registered Nurse at the Pleasant View nursing home, Douglar Evelyn discovered a slight variation from the truth.  She had to work harder, more hours and above her pay grade.  She was the go-to person, had to know calculus.  She also made her fair share of mistakes and was always blamed when things go wrong.  Something went wrong and the administrative office called her and advised she report back for duty, in the New Year.

Douglar Eve did not tell anybody about her plight.  That same day, almost immediately after the office called, the husband who seldom calls home, informed her of an impending shut off notice for the heat and electricity, the breakdown of the car transmission, he had to take the dog to the vet, the washer malfunctioning and last but not least, “I invite me mother and them fuh Christmas dinner.
Douglar Evelyn is a nice, Christian God fearing woman who works nights (the last 14 years) and does not curse.  She is very proper, tolerant and basically, a law abiding citizen but since she heard her mother-in-law and them coming for Christmas, she hit the ceiling.  Talk half, leff half.

Douglar Evelyn had just gotten home from work that morning and she became doubly agitated and ‘cussative’ because she had spent a few minutes in the office and the”damn people did not pick they teeth and tell me the job is at risk and now this ….bleep…got this laundry list of things wrong:….bleep…I gone just buy a ticket and head to Guyana”

She then showered, put her hair in a bun, got herself a hearty breakfast and went online.  The Indian Airlines, wanted  nine something for 21 days to GT plus tax and the black people airline, could get her there for a ‘grand’ but she would have to pay an average of seventy five dollars for an additional suitcase.  “one suitcase per passenger” was the advisory.

Douglar Evelyn was able to fight down the computer and get a cheap flight through Barbados with a four hour layover and then onwards to GT for about half the price.  She bought her ticket on line and then proceeded to call her sister and tell her about her imminent arrival.  Mistake, beefstake, pancake, pound cake and sugar cake.  Everything the sister want in spite of Douglar Evelyn trying to tell her about the hassle to get a flight and when you get one, how expensive things are and the one suitcase policy.  ”The black ones just don’t understand” Evelyn cried out.

Douglar Evelyn , before she got off the computer, paid up some of the outstanding bills and made arrangements to get a new car….all on line.  She quietly ordered what she could on line “seeing delivery was free” but there was no guarantee that the things will arrive before her departure.

The husband, a former Guysuco engineer at Skeldon, never knew the wifey was off the job, sorted out the bills, bought a new car and was heading for the 592 Republic to soak up the sun, ginger beer, pepperpot and halaal curry.  Douglar Evelyn played her cards close to her chest and breast because left hand must never know what right hand is doing.

Society in general has devolved and even though Christmas is about giving and coming together, people are no longer appreciative. Douglar Evelyn has learned some tough lessons in life.  “You give, it is never enough; people give you, they want something in return,” she said.  In other cases, when you give people try to see what you give them is authentic, brand name, new, recycled or refurbished.  Some people literally go back to the store or go on line and research the gifts or take it back for the cash.

Last year, Douglar Eve gave her mother-in-law a flat screen TV she had bought Black Friday.  The mother-in-law sent it back because she had gotten it at 75 per cent off the regular price.  The recipient opined that “if she did pay full price, she would not give me.”  You see the politics.

Residents in Guyana especially when they would have visited North America before, do not subscribe to flea markets, yard sales, second- hand stores and sale items.  They want their items in the original box and as seen on TV but Douglar Evelyn is the right one for them.  She giving away “share left hand dumpling; they either eat it or lump it,” she declared without apology or regards to race or face.

Another thing too, there are new categories of stores like factory outlets and LTP (less than perfect) stores.  The imperfection can be as simple as using blue thread to sew on buttons on a white shirt or labeling pants 28 by 30 when in fact it was a 3- b 3-.  Big is a fit but in the GT book, that would be left on the rack.

Her flight is scheduled for Boxing Day and she is still looking left and right to see if she can get a cheaper and or earlier flight without having to pay a  “ham (an arm) and a leg.”  Merry Christmas.

Post #962

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